Mother's Day
Are you dreading Mother’s Day? You are not alone...
Relate London North East and Essex explores alternative experiences of Mother’s Day - IVF journeys, narcissistic mothers, loss and adoption - that you might relate to
Celebrating Mothers for 3,000 years
Sunday 30th March is Mother’s Day, but for many this evokes feelings and memories about a relationship and role that is more complex than a MoonPig advert would have you think.
According to historian and cultural commentator Valerie Grim, early Mother’s Day tributes date back as far as Greek and Roman times, with early Christian festivals celebrating Jesus’ mother, Mary, on the fourth Sunday in Lent.
This long history, combined with commercial images of 2.4 happy families can make this calendar event hard for those with differing experiences, but brands are slowly recognising that Mother’s Day is not a one-size-fits-all occasion as seen through the ‘opt-out’ movement gaining momentum.
And now Relate London North East and Essex (LNEE) is sharing the 'other’ versions of Mothering Sunday which you may find more relatable.
TW: IVF, bereavement, narcissism and adoption is discussed
Steph, 42 & Larry, 46 from Enfield: Mother’s Day was a reminder our fertility issues
Larry: “I don’t think you can ever truly explain or empathise with the IVF journey unless you have been through it.
Steph: The realisation that having children may not be in your future, or for a 30% chance you must endure intrusive procedures, tests and injections is a lot to process.
I came to dread Mother’s Day; it epitomised everything I wanted but didn’t and may never have. I would cry every time an advert came on or an email came through.
Larry: I hated it too and seeing Steph so upset knowing there’s nothing I could do made me feel helpless.
But, we are so grateful that after seven years and four IVF rounds, we are proud parents to two beautiful children. We’ve decided not to celebrate Mother’s Day to show solidarity with those on their own fertility journeys, instead we try to celebrate and be thankful every day.”
William, 52 from East London: It’s been 30 years since mum passed
“My mum passed suddenly when I was 22, and I remember feeling that every shop window was a constant reminder of what I had lost whenever Mother’s Day came around, it was hard.
It’s been 30 years now and time really is a healer. You never stop missing a loved one, but the way you miss them changes, it’s less raw as you learn to live and grow around it.
I’m now married with children, so Mother’s Day has a different focus, and I’ve found joy in celebrating my wife as a mother and helping my children celebrate their mum.”
Salma, 24 from Essex: I went no contact with my narcissistic mother
“This will be my first Mother’s Day since going no-contact with my mother 5 months ago.
After years of feeling uncomfortable in her company, wondering why she was never accountable for hurtful actions or able to empathise or apologise, I found Dr Ramini’s YouTube channel and realised my mother had many traits of a narcissist.
When talking and boundary setting was completely ignored, I realise she would never change so prioritised my mental wellbeing by making the heart-breaking decision to cut contact.
With support through counselling, I’m entering this Mother’s Day with equal amounts of sadness for how it’s ended, but also relief and empowerment for removing a damaging, toxic relationship from my life.”
Cat, 35 from Southend: Mother’s Day as an adopted child
People assume that being adopted means I find Mother’s Day difficult, but I was adopted at 6 weeks old and don’t know any different, my mum is my mum, and I love her dearly.
I do understand how different circumstances, and the success of the adoption could make this time of year very hard for others who aren’t as fortunate as me though.
I was worried Mother’s Day might become triggering after I had my own son, but becoming a parent myself, and knowing what my parents had to go through to adopt me, makes me feel even more loved and wanted.”
There is no right, wrong or ‘normal’
Diane, a relationship, family counsellor and family mediator at Relate LNEE comments:
“Us, our family systems and relationships are all unique, and the stories shared show the meaning and impact of Mother’s Day is truly personal. They also convey hope that things can and do change. There is no right, wrong or ‘normal’ way to feel about Mother’s Day, but if you are struggling and would benefit from counselling support make sure to reach out.”
To contact Relate London North East and Essex to book an initial appointment or find out more about relationship, family and young people counselling. Call 01708 441722
For support with topics featured in the stories above, try:
Fertility: British Infertility Counselling Association
Bereavement: Cruse
Adoption: Adoption UK
Author:
Holly is a qualified Relate relationship therapist, young person's counsellor and clinical supervisor. with 10 years' experience.
18th March 2025